Retrospection

I realise that a note, quote or poem scribbled in some notebook and put away is a lot better than one staying on an active blog page - it might've been written in a state of mind that might have changed now, but it stands as a pointing finger directed at me.

I feel responsible for every word I write on my blog - and I shudder to think of its implications.

The advent of poetry - a genre that started nearly a year back has drilled holes upon the walls of my literary world, and built doors that I'd never dreamt of - I have come a long way from considering poems as utter melodrama to appreciating the emotions that words embody - writing poems has fueled me with boldness to touch upon such sensitive topics with ease - topics that one would cringe to think of - I have done so, with an arrogance that gloats when I am praised, and there are times when I wonder if I deserve it. Perhaps this isn't boldness, perhaps it is foolishness.

I have been told by an experienced writer that even my innocent, seemingly harmless writing can touch a life, perhaps more, and that I should be careful with the solutions I provide for problems, but I fret not for the impact it might have on another's life, but on my own..

The writing on my blog seems to stare at me like a bag of karma with fearsome eyes.. My more recent writings have been backed by a greed for recognition, hiding behind the emotions that stimulate them, and I am constantly haunted by the fear of its repercussion - the repercussions of boldly writing about emotions that I pretend to have understood. Words once spilt are indeed unpickable, and I dread the result of my blind (deaf?) talk.

I will try to think twice before I put something in writing but that isn't easy either - when words come gushing out your fingers, they itch to capture it upon a film of paper, to be read, admired and enjoyed, not only by a set of readers, but by yourself, particularly on a day when you cannot remember writing it down - the surprise that you were the one who wrote something beautiful is one of the most pleasant feelings in the world.