Maya

Amidst fear, excitement and a rush of hormones,

With large waves she sweeps me away -

Flooding in through an aperture I helped create,

Merely in an instant of weakness,

Strengthened by arguments of my own ego,

And by a weakening of grasp that she herself induces

She rides on impulse and desperation,

She deludes me using my own intellect,

Adorned with the most glittering of jewels,

She approaches me upon my own beckoning,

Engulfing me in a treacherous hug,

Sentencing me to doom,

Turning the tips of my own sword against me,

She pierces my soul, whisks me away,

Devouring fruits of my penance while, intoxicated, I dream of pleasure,

To an inescapable realm of guilt and regret,

I beat my limbs about in vain,

Against waves I helped generate,

Sinking in this ocean of illusion of semblance,

With her laughing in glee,

I claim to be helpless against her lashing,

While letting her in wilfully,

I blame her, curse her,

While falling prey to her charm,

She is an infinite loop,

A vicious circle, a trap,

Undeservedly associated with the Compassionate Lord,

A cave of no return, a dead end.

I blame her - should I?

Isn't she a mere personification of my own desires?

Feeding on my soul, my heart?

A parasite, perhaps worse?

Weakened by the strength of my scrupulousness,

Even more by surrender done right,

This demoness, this enchantress,

This illusion we call Maya.

The battle is fierce - or so I convince myself,

With a name and a form for me to blame rather than repent,

What came first? My weakness or her strength?

Wondering all this, I remain soaked in rue.

She hides herself - behind false knowledge,

In pretence, delusion and justification,

But be it a year, a lifetime or several,

I will one day win over her.

Written between 8:00pm on 3.3.2016 and 3:00am on 4.3.2016

Although I have only expressed the desire experienced by nearly everyone, this poem has ideals, some of which form the very core of my being. I cringed when I published this, but for some reason, I just want to let this be. This thought is spiritual rather than philosophical and has a touch of religion as well - I hate to bring my religious beliefs into this blog- yes, my beliefs, there is no point in pretending otherwise.

I am considering moving it to my other blog, Ecccentric Thoughts, but this place looks good enough for it.